I don't know if it's because Allen and I have been especially tired and stressed lately, or because Liam has been suffering from a lack of social interaction (what with preschool and music class done for now), but we've been having a lot of meltdowns lately. Most of them have been by Liam.
One of my theories is that he tries so hard to "keep occupied" and to follow the rules and to put up with life's disappointments that once in a while the dam breaks and a torrent of tears follows. Also, once he starts crying he has a really hard time stopping. I always try to be empathetic. Even if I feel his tears are totally uncalled for and even possibly manipulative I still am sorry that life is frustrating and we don't always get what we want. After all, if it were socially acceptable I might vent my excess emotion with loud crying every day or so myself. As it is I indulge in lots of sighs and too many computer games. Sometimes we distract him with humor ("Don't smile! Hey, I see that smile...Uh oh, I think I heard a laugh....) or tickling or hugs or even stories.
But sometimes he's crying because he's been pushing my buttons all day long and finally ran up against a consequence he doesn't like. This happened last night and I wasn't inclined to give in to any of his requests for help with getting calmed down. I still tried to offer empathy, but I also expressed some of my frustration. I flat our refused to read stories or let him play computer games and offered hugs, but not snuggling. It seemed to me that some part of him wanted to prolong this miserable moment and just when he was starting to calm down (OK, I vacillated and tried making funny faces at him) he did that thing where you stick your tongue between your lips and blow air through - inches from my face so that his breath and spit got on me - which I can't stand and mentioning that this is not something we do set the whole thing in motion again. Finally I walked into the kitchen to make supper, Allen followed me, and Liam stopped crying minutes later. At supper he (Liam) said, "I'm glad that crisis is over!"
Part of me knows that it's not healthy to make life "too easy" for kids. That letting him find his way back to emotional equilibrium is going to help him. But I still firmly believe that learning to suppress the expression of emotions other people are not comfortable with is tragically different from learning to deal with overwhelming emotions and I'd like to help him do the second rather than the first. I'm really not sure how that works sometimes - how to do it myself, let alone how to help him learn to do it!
Also, I wish he wasn't so aware of how tired I am. Today while he was playing in the pool he asked me if I wanted to be a tree in water. I said no, I didn't think so, and he wanted to know why. I wanted to know why I would want to be a tree in water and he said so that I would have the water I needed and I said "Why would I want to be a tree at all?"
He said, "So you wouldn't have to work so hard to take care of me."
I said (after a moment), "I'm happy to take care of you."
He asked, "Even when it takes a lot of energy?"
"Yes."
"Oh."
And I try to comfort myself by hoping that in the long term he will see that I'm happy to be his Mom and that hard thing are worth doing and that although I often say that I'd like a nap I'd still rather have him than unlimited napping privileges. Maybe I should try to spell that out a little more clearly sometimes soon!
Here's a picture illustrating a moment when he had made a valient effort to pull himself together after a tragic misunderstanding about the importance of this line of dinosaurs and taking a picture of them at just the right moment. Also you can see evidence of the quickly approaching arrival of "little brother."
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