Early Literacy

This story starts at 2 a.m. in the morning as they say.  Devin took a while to fall asleep last night after I changed his diaper about 10 p.m.  I was OK with that.  Then he woke up about midnight.  OK.  One thirty.  Not so great, but I can live with it.  Two a.m.  Awake.  Not needing to nurse or having pooped.  Just awake.  Probably tummy sore, but not passing gas or pooping.  Try the pacifier.  Try any number of positions which during the day might induce sleep.  Give up and turn on the computer.  By 3 a.m. he was starting to fall asleep again.  And I think he slept until about six, which is some kind of record.  But still, I missed some kind of window during which I could trick my body and brain into believing I had gotten some kind of reasonable sleep.  I woke up feeling not OK about life in general.

I got a morning nap while Liam was at preschool, but when I listened to Allen's message about needing to go to a meeting at 2 this afternoon I felt that even a relatively brief stint with both boys in the middle of the afternoon might be a recipe for disaster.  Lets be honest.  I cried about it.  At least one screaming meemy poop notwithstanding Devin still seemed a little fussy.  I hadn't had much to eat all day and even the thought of eating wasn't sitting well.  I wasn't doing well in the self-care arena, let alone the other-care sphere of existence.

So I hatched a scheme.  When Allen and Liam got home at about 12:30 I could take a shower and eat lunch and then we could all load into the van and Allen could drop us off at the library and pick us up after his meeting.  It could have worked out great, except that they got home closer to one, Allen and I didn't communicate clearly about what we wanted to do and we forgot the parking permit and our cell phones.  Apparently my super powers were on the blink.

But I was flexible.  I dropped Allen at his office with instructions to call the library and ask for the children's desk.  Everyone knows me there and they would come and tell me that he was ready to go.  Then I could pick him up and I wouldn't be stuck wondering when he was getting home and he wouldn't be stuck walking and getting tired out.  Except that since I was last at the library they hired a new person in the children's area.  But I explained the situation and she was very understanding.  So finally Liam and I could actually get down to the business of being at the library.  They had some knew construction equipment themed activities out.  Here are some pictures.  We managed to use the timing feature on the camera.  Officially, its Devin's first trip to the library.

Liam worked very intently on lacing up this shovel (?) before discovering that each piece of equipment had another piece that could be laced with it.  He redid that one piece, but was then done.  He then realized that the head of children's services, who has become a great friend of ours, was in her office and he wanted to go see her.  She was very happy to meet Devin and Liam enjoyed playing with the blocks she keeps in her office.

We did manage to pick Allen up without too much trouble.  We had to go into his building to let him know we were there.  Liam informed me that he knows the building "Like the back of my head."  When we were walking back out with Allen Liam told us that he "tricked" me about not needing to use the bathroom at the library because he wanted to use the one in his dad's building.  I'm not actually sure how far ahead he had thought this through since he seemed surprised that we were going in to get Allen.  But I still tried to make the point - tricking is not good!

So that's how an interrupted night of sleep led to an afternoon out.  Hopefully it's a good sign that I'm starting to feel like going out is worth the extra effort in terms of the boost I get from seeing people and being in different places.  Now I really need to rest!

I'd Like to Thank...

Thanks so much to those who have been praying for our health.  My throat feels better today and although Allen continues to feel very tired he hasn't "come down" with anything.

Sometimes I wish more people were on Facebook so thanking them publicly would be easier for me.  Mostly, though, they are people who are busy doing the "stuff" of life and not so interested in the arrangement of ones, zeros and pixels.  It's not just an expression - I really hope God will bless them for using their energy to bless me so much.  Today I'm particularly thankful to my friend Jing who has been coming over to our house three or so times a week and cooking meals for us.  And then acting like she's the lucky one because she gets to see my beautiful baby growing and hold him a little.  Also our friend Cathy who came over on short notice and mowed our yard - including doing edging.  As a warning, when people say "If you need anything, call" I sometimes take them seriously!
Then of course there's my sweet husband Allen who has been taking care of Liam, doing dishes and laundry, grocery shopping, helping with the baby....Oh and he does actually have a paying job that he needs to do some times.  Today he took Liam shopping for shoes - without me reminding him that it needed to be done.  I hope it's not an un-PC thing to say, but he's turning into a great mom.

So the house smells like sweetcorn from the farm.  And although I still haven't gotten my appetite back I have been managing to eat enough to make plenty of milk for my baby.  I must be because I keep changing poopy diapers and throwing away nursing pads that are full of milk. (They actually make little bags especially designed for catching breast milk as it leaks out, but if I got those I'd have to get bottles and teach my baby to drink from them.)  And on the whole, although I tend to be a glass-half-empty kind of person I can see that God is sending blessings my way and today I'm thankful.

Prayers and the Fair

If I'd known the baby would sleep so long I would have tried to take a nap.  I'm feeling stressed today because I woke up with a sore throat.  I keep telling myself it could just be because I forgot to take my antihistamine and my sinuses have been draining, but I took an extra dose this morning and the throat is still sore.  Plus, Allen is feeling particularly tired and achy this afternoon.  I really can't deal with the thought of either of us getting sick right now!

We made it to church this morning for the first time as a family of four.  I took the camera, but didn't manage to get any pictures.  Devin was happy to stay in the carrier as long as the music was loud and people were talking, but when things quieted down he wanted to nurse and did NOT want to go back in the carrier.  Pastor Gary was talking about healing today and although I have been leery of getting prayer for healing because of years of disappointment I got some prayer today.  I think that Gary's honesty about not really knowing why not everyone we pray for is healed helped me reach out.

I also keep reminding myself that so many people have helped us and telling myself that even if one or both of us gets sick we will find a way to deal with it.  But it doesn't sound fun to me.  It could interfere with our plans!  This week is the country fair.  I think that Liam was a year old the first time he went.  Mom and Dad went with us that time and Liam and I have gone every year since.  This year he'll have to go with his dad.  Thankfully the weather is forecast to be fairly cool this week - if possibly rainy.  It's so strange to think about not going myself, but I still need to rest as much as I can.  Liam's birthday is in a few weeks and we usually go to the zoo for that.  This year he says that he really wants Devin to go, which sounds like a stretch to me!

While I'm thinking/writing about prayer, our extended family can also use prayers concerning health.  Actually, it's much more serious than my "Please don't let this be a cold!" whining, although I'm willing to let myself off the hook on that one because, well we have a new baby in the house.  But to focus on someone else for a few minutes, Granny made it through her heart cath and they replaced a stint that was blocked which should help her feel better.  But there was another blockage that they couldn't do anything about.  Also she has some cancer spots on her face that need to be treated, but that's complicated by her heart condition.

Also, my cousin Pate, who I  mentioned in the previous post is, last I heard still in the hospital and asking for prayers for his healing.

So here's hoping it really is allergies, Allen's just tired, and neither of us has anything the baby could catch.  And here's hoping that the coming week is memorable for fun at the fair!  And although Liam feels that two weeks is a long time to wait for his birthday it doesn't seem so long to me in terms of making plans and getting presents.  He says he wants "Lego-ish" toys for his birthday - stuff with blocks that can be used for building - I think he was inspired by the K'Nex set from Aunt Kathy.

Meet the Fam

We went to the town of my birth today so that Devin could be introduced to both of his great grandmothers, a great aunt and some cousin kids (I think there's a more formal term for the children of one of my cousins, but let's face it, no one these days really knows for sure what it is.)  Unfortunately some of the changes I made on the camera in hopes of getting good shots of the baby without the flash seem to have stuck even when I switched back to automatic settings and lots of my pictures were overexposed.  Hopefully Mom got better ones.

We met at a fast food joint near the highway.  Thankfully we didn't get snarled up in the construction around that area (which Liam was thought was very cool - what with all the diggers).  Relatively little time off-highway combined with a new-found pacifier sucking skill combined to equal relatively little crying on the part of the baby in the car.  Of course once we got the the restaurant he had lots of willing arms to hold him and found no reason to wake up, let alone cry.

Granny, who is scheduled to have a heart cath tomorrow spent part of the day with five of her great grandchildren.

Grandma Jewel, otherwise known as GG commented that we don't get many girls on that side of the family.  So far we have one girl and five boys.

My mom's sister Kitty brought my cousin Pate's kids.  Not her grandchildren, she's chipping in in the midst of a sort of family crises.  While Granny is needing to figure out what's going on with her heart Pate has contracted Lyme disease and is in the hospital with meningitis - possibly a complication.  Have you ever seen that episode of Mash where Klinger comes to the CO with another letter about all the crises in his family - and the CO pulls out all the previous ones he's produced?  Our family feels a little like that right now.

Riley enjoyed holding the baby.  Jonathan, in the background was not interested.

Liam got some early birthday presents including a bean bag chair from Grammy.

 Mary Elizabeth also wanted to hold Devin.

Grammy got to hold him for at least a few minutes.

Liam got this present from my Aunt Kathy.  All the way home he was looking forward to trying it out.  He would have liked to have opened it in the van, but we convinced him that the resulting chaos would NOT be fun.

I thought he might take a nap holding the box, but he put it down after a while and did not take a nap in the end.

He did spend a good bit of time putting the set together when we got home.  Thanks to the goofy camera settings I haven't managed to get a good picture, but here's a shot of him in action with a car made from some leftover parts.

I seem to have made it through the day in spite of the. worst. night. in Devin and Mommy land last night and no naps for me today.  Remember that pacifier I mentioned earlier?  It was successfully introduced at about 4 this morning in a desperate attempt to get at least a few hours of sleep.  We'll see how I fare tomorrow with fewer arms to help hold and less adrenalin. 

Intersections

I just posted this picture on Facebook

 With this caption:  Here we are at the intersection of "I can't hold my legs like this any more" and "when I try to move this baby he will wake up and cry to be nursed like he has been doing constantly all day long."

The truth is that I'm at more than one such intersection at the same time.  They include:

• I love this precious human being so much AND What on earth made me think I could do this again - while also taking care of my first child?
• If I just focus in what I have to do at this exact moment I will make it through this AND This is going to go on forever and I will never get any relief (or sleep) and I'm going to lose my mind!
• I'm so glad I have friends and family who are so loving and helpful and a husband who is so involved AND How can this be so unbelievably hard? 

The "What was I thinking?" one is haunting me a little right about now.  I had not forgotten how hard things were right after Liam was born when we decided to have another baby.  And it wasn't an "oops!" or a surprise.  It really wasn't my fault, though.  My brother and sister-in-law had a baby.  She was born six weeks early and when she was about three weeks old I went to visit them.  I went to the quiet premie ward and held that sleeping baby.  I slipped her under my shirt so she could have some skin-to-skin "kangaroo care" and rocked her.  And when it was time to give her back I slipped her out and she pooped a blowout poop that left unstinky yellow baby poop on my shorts.

(Here she is at six months.  Who could resist?)

And see, the seed was planted.  The little thought of "what if I never do this again with a baby of my own?"  The knowledge that we could bring another amazing human into the world, and love him or her, watch the learning and the growing, laugh and cry and be consumed by the reality and drama of life.  We could do it again.  But TICK TICK TICK said my internal clock.  Not for long.  "Don't over think it or you'll get scared and back off," said some part of me that skulked around a corner every time I tried to confront it.

"I learned so much the first time" I thought.  "It seems like a shame to just do it once."  But now I feel just as lost and ineffective as I did with Liam.  Why won't this baby sleep for more than an hour and a half at a stretch?  Why does he wake up crying like he's in pain?  How can I get myself to eat when my appetite is gone?  How will I be able to take care of my family if I can't take care of myself?  Why am I wasting precious hydration and time when I could be sleeping by crying?

Of course that same little voice that pushed me in this direction to begin with is in there somewhere reminding me that I made it through this hard time once.  It's telling me that so many wonderful moments have come my way that never would have if I hadn't taken the chance.  It's saying that the six or seven kisses that Liam showered on the now actually sleeping Devin before his bedtime have to count for something.

We'll see.  I'll have to get back to you on that one when I've actually gotten a little sleep.  Preferably a full two or even three hours at one time.

Milestones

Today was officially Devin's "due date."  Turns out if he'd waited he would share a birthday with a prince!  At his two week appointment on Friday he weighed in at six pounds, fifteen ounces, so he gained seven ounces in a week.  His umbilical cord stump fell off last week and his belly button is doing fine.  Everything checked out fine at the appointment.  Devin does still have a little jaundice, but we don't need to do anything about it right now.

Liam has also hit a milestone lately and is now completely diaper free at night.  He still has a few issues with using the potty independently, though.  He told me he hasn't been using the bathroom while he's at preschool because the building is still new to him.  I talked to his teacher about it and she prompted him to use it one day, but the next he was back in the same dilemma.  He says that he doesn't want to "interrupt" the other teachers in the classroom - the college students who get experience by teaching at his preschool.  Had another conversation with his teacher today so maybe that will clear it up.

Unfortunately Devin has gotten a little gassy lately and is having more trouble sleeping than he was at first.  This is mostly a problem for me.  After a tearful postpartum OB visit today the nurse-midwife's main advice was "Get some sleep."  Easier said than done, but Allen has been working valiantly (in spite of the remains of his cold) to take care of things around the house and keep Liam busy when he's not in preschool so I can sleep when I have the chance.  Like now, so I should really get off here and snooze a little.

I'll just add a few more beauty shots of the boys for good measure.

 Now that Devin's face is filling out more I think he looks more like Liam did when he was a baby.

Liam really wants to help with Devin, but so far he's pretty limited in what he can actually do.  Rocking the cradle works for a while.  Liam is very careful to do it gently.  But he gets tired pretty fast.

Liam also loves to "snuggle" with Devin.  In this series of shots Liam was pretty impressed because he was able to hold Devin by himself for the first time.

Pictures That Will Help Us Remember

I realize that we didn't get many pictures of my dad while he was here in the week after we got home from the hospital.  He was a great help with dishes, laundry, holding the baby and spending lots of time with Liam.  He took some great pictures of Liam at a car show and the local city pool.  Here are a few.

Crazy cars, right!  Liam and I went a different year and I can tell you that sun really glares on Main Street!

One highlight from the pool was that Liam and Grandpa tried to get on an inner tube together and it tipped over, landing them both under water.  Since Liam has only rarely been to swimming pools he was a little nervous, but got more adventurous as time went on.  They stayed until the pool closed and Liam was surprised to see that they didn't drain it like we always do at home.  I told him that since they have a fence it's safe for them to leave the water in the pool.  I wish we could make visits to this pool a regular on our activity list, but I can't handle the chlorine.

Meanwhile, we are all learning about being a family of four.  Devin, of course, is concentrating on the eating, sleeping, crying and pooping part.  Sometimes, though, he is wide awake and wants to look around and loves eye contact and being talked to.

Liam loves his little brother.  He wants to hold and snuggle with him and does a good job of being gentle.  He puts up with the crying pretty well.  He says it's OK if our baby cries, but he still doesn't like it if other babies cry.  And if he knows Devin's about to get upset (like when it's time to change his diaper) he leaves the room.

 When Devin was a week old we still hadn't gotten a picture of the four of us together.  This was about the best shot we could get. 

I wanted to try to get some beauty shots of Devin, but the camera wasn't doing what I wanted it to.  I love it when he puts his hand under his face like that.  So sweet.

Liam caught me snapping pics and wanted to get in on the action.  Devin didn't actually appreciate the attention.

Allen got a cold about three days after we got home from the hospital.  He's been slogging through it, but sometimes it requires some creative solutions.

Grammy came on Wednesday and got in some quality time with both the boys.  She brought Devin's special quilt, which I'll have to post pictures of at a different time.

Well, here's one great shot of Grandpa - and Grammy, with both the boys.

And we finally got a better one of the four of us.  But not without more than a few that looked like the one below.

The Day We Came Home

I remember when Liam was born the nurse who was assigned to us tried to convince me that staying in the hospital as long as insurance would allow would help me rest better.  I didn't do it then and I can say from experience now that it was NOT more restful to stay another day.  It didn't help that they kept checking the baby's vitals every four hours and mine at less consistent intervals but at different times.  Then there were the midnight baby weighs and the wee morning hour checks to see if he was jaundiced.  Also the ward was really full, so we kept having different nurses.....I could go on, but the point is eventually, on Wednesday, we did get to go home.  Here are some pictures.

Gotta do the wheel chair shot, right?  Frankly, I'm glad I didn't have to walk.

Victory!

 Devin's first breaths of outside air were mostly car exhaust. 

 All the stuff that ended up at the hospital.  Because of my sensitivities to fragrances I took all my own linens, plus we took the big air filter.  And some food because I have some sensitivities with that too.  I really tried to keep it to a minimum, but it was a lot of stuff.  The hospital staff was generally very understanding - or at least cooperative if they were a little confused.  One person asked if we'd gotten a water pitcher and when we explained we'd brought our own said something like "You don't want our water either, huh?"  In general, though I was very impressed with the communication between the hospital staff at a very busy time.

 They always look so puny in that great big car seat!

 Headed into the house at last!  It was kind of a rushed big moment.  Liam was at a friend's house.  Mom had had to go back to Columbus early and we were down a car, so we were very thankful that friends could pick him up from preschool while Dad came to get us.

 Settling in with Grandpa.

 Devin still hadn't had his first bath.  Since I knew there would be lots of crying I decided to do it while Liam was having his snack so he could supervise and maybe it would help take some of the mystery out of the crying baby.

 I tried to keep him covered up at first.  Not too bad.

 Hair washing he could handle.

 The rest was terrible.  I sort of gave up on keeping him covered in favor of getting it over with.

 Now we have gotten to that pathetic wavering cry.  I can just see him thinking "I came out two weeks early for this?"

 Now he finds that there is some comfort in the world, but he's not ready to set aside his grievances. 

 Worn out.

I put him down on is back and he rolled away from us and fell asleep.  At least you can see all that cute downy hair!