Life is Intense

Liam didn't have school yesterday and he wasn't happy about it.  He said that some kids might be happy about not having school, but they probably didn't have little brothers.  I pointed out that he loves his little brother, but he said that the problem is that when Daddy isn't home and I have to take care of the baby it's no fun for him.  I tried to include some fun in the day - we went to the library - but in the process Devin didn't get the naps he needed and by the time I got supper on the table the little guy had HAD it and started to SCREAM.  And Liam started to cry.  And Allen wasn't home yet and I just did what you do when you're a parent and solved the problems I could and suffered through the rest.  And went to bed very early.

We have this problem that Devin is getting more and more aware of what's going on around him and less and less likely to nurse well if he's likely to be distracted.  Like if Liam is in the same room.  Because Liam likes to....talk.  A lot.  Also the most comfortable place for me to nurse (in spite of all the trouble I went to to get a rocking chair) is on the bed.  So if Liam's around he's likely bouncing around on the bed (literally) or at best sitting and listening to me read.  And Devin is turning his head to look up at me and smile.  At a time that is really inconvenient for me.  Ouch.

So sometimes I ask Liam to leave the room so I can nurse Devin.  The problem is that Liam HATES to be alone.  Ever.  For any length of time.  Today when I asked him to leave he said he wished he were a different kind of person.  I asked why and he said so that he would like to be alone more.  I let it pass, but I thought about it and felt that it was important to let him know that I love him just the way he is.  When I brought it up at supper he thought of another reason he wishes he was different - so he wouldn't mind getting rid of things so much.  I told him that if he was different it might make his life easier (too much honesty?) but that we love him just the way he is.  Allen backed me up.

It's true that his life might be easier if he were a little less intense.  He screamed when I told him that we were going home after I picked him up from kindergarten today.  Like it was something unusual or traumatic.  Then he started demanding, in a voice that would have intimidated Darth Vader what we were going to do when we got home.  I told him we were going to talk to each other in friendly, kind voices or not at all, then refused to answer (since he kept asking) until he calmed down a little and used a different tone of voice.  Then I told him that we were going to do all the things we usually do when we got home.  Somehow by that time he could handle it.

Sometimes he really wants to share a moment with someone who isn't around.  Mostly his dad.  Taking pictures can help smooth these moments over, but if he starts to put a game (for instance) away before taking a picture of it we can have a real crises on our hands.

Here is a picture of a particularly peculiar piece of pizza that Liam very much wanted to show his dad.  It happened a few weeks ago, but the moment stuck in my memory.

Something about that little bubble in the crust seemed especially important to Liam.  We could have had a real "calamity" if we wasn't allowed to immortalize the moment in pixels. 

He does have priorities, though.  He says that the biggest crises ever would be if Devin died.  Extremely morbid - I'm not even sure where he got the idea, but he's right that it would be very horrible.  Liam says that he loves "Boo Boo" more than anyone.  He gives him extra kisses, but makes sure to point out that I don't get extra kisses.  But then when I was leaving for an appointment this morning he mournfully stuck his head out the door and asked for "one more hug."  And although I was running late and trying to get the baby buckled into the car seat, once Devin was safely in I took the time to go back in for that one hug.  The doctor was running late anyway.