Here's the Deal

We are out of infant Tylenol.  We are under a "Level 3 Emergency" travel restriction.  I hope that the children's Tylenol will do the trick.  The trick, I mean, of getting the baby to sleep.  I didn't use it last night because I thought he just needed to poop.  He kept waking up and.....

......Got interrupted.  Probably a good thing.  Don't need to recount all the gritty details.  The point is I finally gave him the Tylenol because it seemed like he had a sore throat.  And he finally started nursing in a more normal way which was awesome because when he doesn't my breasts hurt and the nursing hormones build up in my body and I feel terrible.  And we finally got some sleep.  Not a lot.  Just some.

During all this misery I thought, "Don't fuss!  Please just don't fuss.  Lets make a deal...."  I worked it all out.  Here are the terms:

If the baby will....

• calm down when I sooth him
• sleep most of the time from about 9 p.m. to 8 a.m. (especially refraining from pooping during that time)
• fall asleep when he's tired
• nurse laying down when he wakes up at night (but preferably not more than three times)

I will.....

• respond promptly when he starts to fuss
• keep him in my bed and snuggle him through the night
• stay with him while he falls asleep
• nurse him whenever he wants or needs it
• sing silly songs when he's bored
• smother him with kisses
• take thousands of pictures of him 
• change his diaper and clothes when they are dirty
• bathe him semi-regularly
• feed him solid food
• watch him constantly and try to interpret every move and every peep he makes
• rub his fuzzy head against my cheek a dozen times a day

It's not an exhaustive list.  Exhausting, but not exhaustive.  After a while my inner monologue (complete with some profanity which I'll leave out) went something like this:  "Or, you can do whatever you want, because I'm going to do all that stuff anyways."

Because who I am and what I do don't depend on what my children do.  They don't have to earn it.  If I can start to forget that with the baby, how much easier with the big boy?  When the little head is scraggly instead of fuzzy and they learn how to say "Why do I have to?" and "No I won't."  Then it's hard to remember that my actions and how I love them is up to me, and isn't determined by their ability to follow a schedule or let me get enough sleep or even obey my instructions.  I need to remember.  Is there a trick to this?

(I'm not saying, by the way, that my way of dealing with baby's nighttime needs is the only, or the best or most loving way.  It's just the way I do it.  Gotta do something.)