Devin's first tooth is through. The second is not far behind. Liam did a dance of joy when I told him about the tooth over Skype last night. He is excited about feeling it when he gets home today. He is not excited about putting Christmas decorations away, although I told him he would get another present and that helped.
Liam's also not too excited about starting school on Monday which makes Allen and I a little sad. He always loved preschool and missed it during breaks. But then the breaks were much longer.
He gets in trouble sometimes at school, which never happened in preschool. Usually it's because he's talking too much and then he has to go sit by himself. The last time this happened he claimed that his friends started it. I believe this because I've seen him get totally amped up on another kid's energy and get a little out of control. I guess he has to learn how to control himself even when others don't, but he loves to learn and loves to be around people and I hate to see him already dreading school.
Of course I'm dreading the stress of our "normal" routine. I still haven't figured out how to get him so school on time without last minute panic on my part which translates to less than pleasant parenting communication. He might dread that as much as I do.
A week of "just one" child was long enough for me to start processing some emotions I've been putting on the back burner, but not long enough for me to figure out what to do with them. There's this country song about a woman who's husband (boyfriend?) leaves her with a baby and she wants to cry but "doesn't have time." I'm not sure when I first heard it or if I understood it at the time, but I get it now. Having a big "mommy meltdown" is a luxury I mostly can't afford.
Lots of times it's actually good that I get pulled away from negative emotions and force myself to smile. I find reasons to laugh and rejoice because it gives me energy and helps me make it through the exhaustion. But the desperation, guilt, pain and anxiety simmer under the surface. In the past trying to stuff them down and force them away was damaging to me emotionally and spiritually. I hope that I'm not doing that now. Hopefully I have enough places (including this blog) to vent in small doses so that I don't OD on emotions I haven't dealt with.
It doesn't help that Devin isn't sleeping any better even though his first tooth is through. Maybe the second one is still bothering him or maybe it's the adjustment to starting solid food. Maybe he just sleeps that way. There were a few nights when he actually went three hours between wakings - once or twice per night. But those times are just a happy memory at the moment. Mostly if he wakes up and nurses and falls back to sleep without much fussing or staying awake I consider the night to be "good." If I stay relaxed and drowsy through his waking up then I feel like I actually slept at night.
Of course there are plenty of opinions out there about how to get babies to sleep better. Or whether to try. I'm aware of the options, don't worry. At the moment my plan is to continue with what we've been doing and keep hoping for a breakthrough - or just a break. I'm just saying, sleep deprivation and feeling over emotional are probably related.
Well, I just got off Skype with Liam. He was upset because he wanted to come home. While I was there Allen arrived. So not too many hours now until we'll all be together again. I should get lunch.
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